"so, this is my life. and i want you to know that i am both happy and sad and i'm still trying to figure out how that could be."


8th May 2012

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i know you’re looking over at me judging, laughing at me. when did it all change? when did the boy who cared about me, who was my world suddenly turn into a stranger that i didn’t know. into the boy who as sitting there laughing at me as i fall? you use to be the boy who would meet my eyes when i stood up with care and concern in them, but just now in those eyes i saw hatred and joy to think it was funny that i just fell. sitting across the room laughing to yourself as i make a fool out of myself.  what happened to the boy that got a grin on his face when i walked into the room, what happened to the boy that was my best friend?

the answer is simple. that boy isn’t there anymore. instead he is replaced with a stranger that none of his old friends recognize. now the boy that stands before me is judgmental and no longer has time in his day for people like me. when i got up i wanted to cry, not because i just fell and i was embarrassed, but because when i saw those eyes looking over at me i saw new things; i saw your pleasure in my pain, i saw the joy and laughter running through your veins as your old best friend fell. i saw so many new things that i didn’t recognize. but i saw things that i recognized as well. i saw those brown eyes looking at me, the little stubble that grew on your face, i saw the lost feeling in your eyes that no one would see unless they knew you. but the one thing that i didn’t see was you. i didn’t see the boy that use to be there. i instead saw a stranger.

and that broke my heart.


Tagged: himwhy did you changewallflowerdesperationfriendshipbroken heart